#TBT - Warrior

I am battle beaten and frankly worn out.  My spirit, mind and body cannot take anymore of the arrows being thrown my way.  I am ready to throw in the towel so much that I have actually drafted a letter of resignation.  I know that in my pain I can be impulsive.  How else are we supposed to be?  We all come with a trigger of fight or flight and I am usually a fighter.  Right now I just want to run away and hide.

I was going through my old posts and this one popped out immediately.  I wrote it after a friend called me a "warrior."  I really struggled with that image.  I am not a warrior.  Survivor yes, warrior no.  But maybe survivors can be warriors.  Just reading this post has given me some perspectives I had forgotten.

I'm tired 

I'm Worn 

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes to keep on breathing.

These are the first lyrics of the Worn by Tenth Avenue North.  These are the also the words that describe how I've been feeling lately.  

I have a friend who calls me a warrior.  But I don't feel like one.  I feel like the victim.  The person tied to the rock waiting for someone to save them.  Warriors are powerful.  Warriors are strong.  Warriors are brave.  They are the heroes.  They are the saviors.  Dictionary.com defines warrior as a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics.  That definitely does not describe me.

This version of warrior is seen throughout our culture.  You see it in our literature and our mythology.  You only have to look at current media to see what society thinks warriors should look like.   When I think of warriors in our current media I think of Aragon from the Lord of the Rings series.  

He's the fighter in the story.  The one who will bring peace.  The one who will overcome evil if he takes up his birth right.  But what I forget when I think of his story is his heartbreak.  His hopelessness.  His struggle.  His running from what He knows he is.  The Battle of Helms Deep reflects this.  Ten thousand Uruk-hai against 300 Rhoinians.  Then you add a few hundred elves, but still the numbers don't look good.  At the beginning of the battle he argues with one of his friends, Legolas, about the battle.  Legolas believes the battle to be foolhearty.  Aragon acknowledges it, yet says he will fight anyway.  

You see that is what a warrior really is.  Merriam Webster defines a warrior as : a man engaged or experienced in warfare; broadly : a person engaged in some struggle or conflict.  A warrior is tired.  A warrior is worn.  A warrior doesn't know when the battle will end, but keeps on fighting.  A warrior may realize that they may lose the battle, but that the war is still undecided.  In this aspect I am a warrior.

 For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.  Ephesians 6:12 AMP

We are all warriors.  We are all fighting some battle.  In fact, we should be fighting.  It means that we are worth trying to defeat.  It means that we are in line with God.  The enemy hates this.  The enemy wants us to have a false sense of hope.  But it is just that, false hope.  Only God can give us true hope.  Only He can bring us true peace.  He doesn't just send us out into the battle.  He doesn't send us out unprepared, as well.  He arms us.

Therefore put on God’s complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]. Stand therefore [hold your ground], having tightened the belt of truth around your loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and of moral rectitude and right standing with God, And having shod your feet in preparation [to face the enemy with the [a]firm-footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news] of the Gospel of peace.  Lift up over all the [covering] shield of [c]saving faith, upon which you can quench all the flaming missiles of the wicked [one]. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit [d]wields, which is the Word of God. Ephesians 6:13-17 AMP

We also don't fight alone.  He fights with us.

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest. Exodus 14:14 AMP

God knows the end of our stories.  We don't.  He doesn't leave us alone.  He is with us, even we think hope is lost.  He guides us and fights with us.  He will lead us to restful waters (Psalm 23:2) He will refresh us and restore us (Pslam 23:3).  Lean on Him in the battle.  You may lose this round, but know that the War has been won.

Are you in the midst of a battle?  Are you worn?  Have you sought out God for rest?  Have you leaned on Him for guidance and assistance?