Starting Over

Saturday, 6 January 2018

It has been awhile since I have written anything.  I have had some great ideas and I had a beautiful blog but then I became busy.  Busy with family.  Busy with kids and their activities and therapies.  Busy with friends.  Busy with groups that seemed supportive and then were not.  Lately I have been busy with Church and the politics of Church.

I have also been wrestling.  With depression of a loved one.  With autism and epilepsy and ADHD.  I have wrestled with being supportive and wanting to be selfish.  I have wrestled with friendships.  I have wrestled with God.

I loved blogging and writing but then I wrestled with jealousy as I watched friends who started blogging the same time I did seem to build bigger platforms.  I didn't think my voice was worthy of being heard.  I had great ideas for posts but I didn't believe in me to write them nor did I give myself the time to write them.  I focused on platform and forgot why we all started blogging to begin with: to be heard and share our voices.  I never started blogging to get famous..., maybe I did want to be a part of something but I forgot what it felt like when my followers went from 10 to 11 and getting excited by people's comments.  I forgot that I loved to share my husband's aunt's ministry.  I miss the silly blog awards and the memes we all shared with each other.  I want to get back to that simple joy and I believe there are many like me out there, before platforms and blogging conferences changed the landscape.

This year I vow to listen to the voice that says I am worthy of being heard.  That I am good enough, smart enough and yes, some people still like me.  I need to write.  I want to write.  I want to work on my craft and share my journey with anyone who is willing to listen.

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